Uh, my kid and I text. This is a text exchange we had about her boyfriend, Cory. She's got...

Kevin Smith: Uh, my kid and I text. This is a text exchange we had about her boyfriend, Cory. She's got this boyfriend, Cory, man. He's a great fucking kid. I know you're supposed to be like, "Hey, man. He's dating my daughter and that makes me mad." Not at all. They've been dating for five years, they met like freshman year, and when they were dating for four days, man, I watched and met the dude and shit, and I told my daughter, "Marry this boy tomorrow." You know. And my wife is like, "You fucking stoned? They're 14." I was like, "It worked for Coalminer's Daughter. Let them get married!" So I him, I'm a Cory booster, man. I'm always like, "You'll never find a guy like this. He literally gives a shit about everything you say. He's always hanging on your every word. He's like Lloyd Dobler in Say Anything and shit. Not every guy is like this. Most guys are like Uncle Jay. So like... I said stick with this fucking guy. So she did all through high school and stuff. And senior year, like I said, she just graduated, she got to go to two proms, her prom at her school and Cory went to a different school. So they went to her prom first, then they went to Cory's prom. And I was out on the road doing a gig. And this is the fucking text I got from my kid on prom night. She goes, "Dad! SOS." I'm freaked out 'cause I'm someplace else in the country. And I'm like, "Oh, my God! Are you okay?" And she goes, "No! Cory's bowtie broke. Where do you keep your spare bowties?" I said, "Kiddo, I don't have a bowtie, let alone spares." And she wrote, she has the temerity to write, "Seriously?" And I'm like, "I wear the same fucking outfit every day." I said, "You ever see me wear a bowtie with a hockey jersey?" And she goes, "What about when you got married?" And I said, "I was wearing a hoodie and a Jay and Silent Bob shirt." And she goes, "Ew! You're so fucking lucky Mom married you." And I said... I said, "Why? Because I wasn't wearing a bowtie?" And she goes, "No, because you wore a Jay and Silent Bob shirt to your own wedding." And she wrote, "'Duh! Look at me! I'm Silent Bob!'"