Komly
Kirk: Devon, why would you tell her that I broke up with Molly? Devon: Cause I thought you had. Kirk: No. We're just in a sticky wicket. Stainer: A
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Devon, why would you tell her that I broke up with Molly?...

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Kirk:
Devon, why would you tell her that I broke up with Molly?
Devon:
Cause I thought you had.
Kirk:
No. We're just in a sticky wicket.
Stainer:
A "sticky wicket"?
Kirk:
Yeah. A rough patch. Rough pumpkins.
Stainer:
And how many times have you called her?
Kirk:
Five.
Stainer:
And how many times have you really called her?
Kirk:
Seventeen.
Stainer:
It's done. Tao of Love.
Kirk:
What?
Stainer:
That's what I call it. The Tao of Love. You being with Molly defies, like, forces of nature. It's over man.
Kirk:
No. It's not over. Frankly, I'm sick of all you guys pretending like you know where I'm coming from. None of you know what I'm going through right now.
Stainer:
Tina Jordan does.
Kirk:
Who the hell is Tina Jordan?
Stainer:
She was my Molly.
Kirk:
You never mentioned her.
Stainer:
I didn't want to jinx it. But she was perfect. Yeah, perfect. Freckled shoulders. Anyway, two months into it, bam, she dumps me. I shoulda seen it coming too, cause she was a ten. Like a hard ten. I was a six, possibly a seven. Either way, I couldn't cover the spread. The universe spoke and I was depressed for months.
Kirk:
That's what that was? You said you had mono.
Stainer:
Yeah. Mono of the heart.
Jack:
OK, my God, how's your vagina?
Stainer:
Shut up, Jack!

Transcript:
You can tell us.
We're your friends. Did you?
Hey, why would you tell her
I broke up with Molly?
'Cause I thought you had.
- No. We're just in a sticky wicket.
- A "sticky wicket?"
Yeah, a rough patch. Rough pumpkins.
- How many times have you called her?
- Five.
How many times have you
really called her?
- Seventeen.
- It's done, man. Tao of Love.
- What?
- That's what I call it.
The Tao of Love. You being with Molly
defies, like, forces of nature.
- It's over, man.
- No. It's not over.
Frankly, I'm kinda sick
of you guys pretending
like you know where I'm comin' from.
None of you know what I'm goin' through.
- Tina Jordan does.
- Who the hell is Tina Jordan?
- She was my Molly.
- You never mentioned her.
I didn't want to jinx it.
But she was perfect.
Yeah, perfect.
Freckled shoulders.
Anyway, two months into it,
bam, she dumps me.
I shoulda seen it coming, too,
'cause she was a ten. Like a hard ten.
And I was a six, possibly a seven.
Either way, I couldn't cover the spread.
The universe spoke.
And I was depressed for months.
That's what that was?
You said you had mono.
- Yeah. Mono of the heart.
- Oh, my God. How's your vagina?
Shut up, Jack!
Dude, forget Stainer. All right?
I think you could get her back.
Why don't you look Kirk in the eyes
and tell him you believe
he's gonna end up with Molly.
- Just tell him that.
- Fine.
Kirky, I truly believe that...
I mean, I think anything's possible.
- "Anything is possible?!"
- Come on!
Like, there's a million
examples of guys like Kirky
- endin' up with beautiful women.
- Such as?
- Lyle Lovett and Julia Roberts.
- Right.
Richie Sambora and Heather Locklear.
Then he went on to Denise Richards.
Yeah. All recording artists.
Normal rules don't apply to those guys.
Kirk, as soon as you
record an album and it goes platinum,
you can push your meat into
any human being you want.
OK, OK. OK.
King Kong and Naomi Watts.
Never consummated.
Totally platonic relationship.
- Stephen Hawking and his lady nurse.
- He's the master of space and time!
- He knows about black holes and shit.
- What about the President of France
and that girl that
went out with Mick Jagger?
He knows about wine.
And has a French accent.
Can probably French kiss
like a motherfucker!
- Oh, OK, OK...
- Wait a second. The Beast.
- Who?
- The Beast! From Beauty and the Beast?
Beast won Beauty's love, and he wasn't
rich and he wasn't a recording artist.
- Though he did have an amazing voice.
- OK, Devon, that's a cartoon.
But, yes, that's one.
One out of a million.
You know what, Stainer?
All it takes is one.
Man, you... You guys just sit here
and talk about relationships,
but the truth is,
I'm the only one here that's married.
I'm tired of you guys bustin' my nuggets
'cause I've only been with one girl.

Clip duration: 171 seconds
Views: 62
Timestamp in movie: 00:00:00
Uploaded: 28 January, 2021
Genres: comedy, romance
Summary: An average Joe meets the perfect woman, but his lack of confidence and the influence of his friends and family begin to pick away at the relationship.


Actors

Stainer - T.J. Miller
Jack - Mike Vogel