Hi. Hello. Excuse me, dear. May I talk with you for just one minute? Up your kazoo! Up my!...

Skip Donahue: [in a crowded department store] Hi. Hello. Excuse me, dear. May I talk with you for just one minute? Susan: Up your kazoo! Skip Donahue: [laughs] Up my! Please, I'm not trying to be a pest. I know that you're an actress. Susan: Who are you? Skip Donahue: My name is Skip Donahue. I'm a playwright and I saw you do a scene from "Romeo and Juliet" at the Wilson Workshop. I want you to know that you were wonderful. I'm not just saying it to be kind. You were really lovely. Susan: If you don't get out of my way, I'm going to kick you in the nuts! Skip Donahue: [laughs] Kick! In the nuts! You're fantastic. I mean the way you can switch characters like that. The difference between this and your Juliet is fabulous. By the way, dear, I know that you're not wearing anything underneath that coat. Susan: What? Skip Donahue: I also know that you're a shoplifter, part-time. Susan: What are you? Some kind of a looney tune? Skip Donahue: No, I'm the store detective, here, part-time.

My name ain't no goddamn "sweet pants." Oh. Holy shit. I think I have the swing of it now. This is much better. Thanks. My name is Skip Donahue. Jesus Ramirez. Nice to meet you. Yeah. What brings you here? Man, I been here seven years. Seven years away from my beautiful Teresa. Today, I was in court on appeal hearing. Lost again. They accused me of robbing several banks, but no way. I was drunk and all, but I'm positive I only robbed one bank. What about you? Oh, my friend and I were doing this song-and-dance act. Ah. Must have been pretty bad. Excuse me, major, I'm just not very good at these written tests. I think you'd get more [MOUTHING] Shut up. Of my original flavor in oral ex... You know, I'm just about to lose my patience with you. I was trying to explain... GUARD: Keep writing, shit face. "Two pears, three apples..." All right, now, listen to me. A kid tried that stuff with me at Camp Minikani in Vermont, and I hit him so hard that his braces ripped the whole upper part of his lip. His mother had to come and get him in the middle of the season. [PRISONERS SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY] MAN 1: Tight ass. [MAN 2 SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY] What do you think they put in those? HARRY: What do you think? Us? Yes. You got it on the first try. SKIP: Harry. HARRY: What? We're in prison. Goddamn, man, welcome to the real world. Not a minute too soon, I might add. Now, brace up. Be strong. [GATE SLAMS] MAN 3: Hey, white meat. How long you gonna be on, baby? Come on, baby. Come on.