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[Rex escorts John to the second floor of his house, showing off all of his expensive memorabilia] Rex: This is Wade Boggs' autographed bat. I just barely outbid Phil Donahue for that at an auction.
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This is Wade Boggs' autographed bat. I just barely outbid...

Ted 2012
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[Rex escorts John to the second floor of his house, showing off all of his expensive memorabilia]

This is Wade Boggs' autographed bat. I just barely outbid Phil Donahue for that at an auction.
Wow, cool.
Yeah, cool.
[Pointing at boxing gloves on display]

These boxing gloves worn by Joe Louis in his first fight.
[Stops and points at abstract painting]

This is art. Get it?
[John shrugs]

[Pointing at glasses on display]
These were John Lennon's glasses. They're worth like a million dollars.
[pointing at a photo frame]

That's me and Tom Skerritt. Oh, check this out.
[They stop in front of a display]

This is Lance Armstrong's nut. I had it freeze-dried and bronzed. Every now and then, when life's getting me down and things are tough, I just come up here... and look at that. It reminds me that... things aren't so bad.
Sometimes you feel like a nut.
[Looks at John]
Sometimes you don't.
[They both walk to the bar]

So, talk to me, Jonny Quest, how are things with you and Lori?
You know, things are great, actually.
Oh that's great. That is great.
You know, uh, Lori would hate me for saying this, but, she told me how you are at the office. And as one gentleman to another, I just wanna say I really hope you fucking get Lou Gehrig's disease.
Well, uh, let me, uh, let me get to clear the air a little. I mean, yeah, I'm kind of a fun time boss and whatnot. But look, man, I do that with everyone at the office. I'm a kook. I have no desires on your girlfriend. We work together, and that's it. You know, I think you're a great guy, and she's a very lucky girl.
Well that's good to hear.

who's personal friends
with Tom Skerritt.
Not a bad life, is it?
I'm going to show you something
that I don't like to show people
because I don't want them
treating me differently.
That's me and Skerritt.
Goddamn right, "Wow."
I'm gonna dock you
for dinging the car
and for showing up
late today, all right?
Try and be a little more
responsible tomorrow.
I will, sir, I promise.
I'm not going to
let you down, Goose.
Top Gun.
Tom Skerritt.
I know that.
Get out of here, okay?
Thank you, sir.
All right, here's your keys,
your rental agreement,
map of Boston.
Thank you for choosing Liberty.
Drive safely.
Thanks so much.
I heard you got busted.
Jesus, Guy, you look like shit, man.
What happened?
I don't know, I got fucking
wasted last night.
My phone says I texted someone at
3:15, asking them to beat me up.
And then, at 4:30, I texted the
same person saying, "Thanks."
And you don't remember it?
No, same as last time.
It just seems kind
of gay, doesn't it?
I don't know.
Maybe, yeah.
Well, do you think you're part
of some gay beat-up underworld?
Like one of those gay
beat-up clubs or something?
I don't know.
I dig chicks, man.
I don't remember any of it.
I was so fucked up.
I might be gay,
I don't know.
Do you mind covering
for me for a bit?
I might go lay down
in the john.
Hey, buddies.
Where is it hanging?
Hey, Alix, what's up? You
get in the club last night?
I didn't get in because
the bouncer was douche-face.
But I made friends
in the line.
That's good, I guess.
Hey, guys, anybody
know a nice restaurant,
like something
where they give out
free bubblegum
in the bathrooms?
For what?
Lori and I have been dating
four years tomorrow.
I want to take her
someplace really nice.
Aw, congratulations, John.
You guys have been
going out for four years?
My longest relationship
was like six months
and then she farted
in her sleep.
I'm like, "I'm out of here, man."
I was gone before she woke up.
You're not
very tolerant, huh?
Lori ever fart
in front of you?
Yeah, many times.
You Italian?
Never mind.
Take her to Benihana.
John, look, don't you
think after four years
maybe she's hoping for
something more than dinner?
Like what?
I don't know, but if it were me,
I'd be expecting a proposal.
Come on, nobody's expecting
anybody to propose.
I mean, marriage isn't...
Isn't love enough? I submit
that love is enough.
You can put the ring in her
ass, let her fart it out.
So bad, but so good.
Hey, by the way,
don't let me forget,
you and I got to
nail down a plan
for the Bruins game
tomorrow night.
No, I can't.
I'm taking Lori to dinner.
For what?
Well, we've been dating
four years tomorrow.
Oh, fuck me. Nice.
Let me ask you something.
You don't think
she's going to be
expecting something big,
do you?
What, like anal?
No, like a fucking circular
gold thing on her finger.
Oh, fuck that! It's been
four years, Johnny.
You and me have been
together for 27 years.
Where's my ring?
Where's my ring, asshole?
Where's my ring, motherfucker?
Stop it. Come on!
Put it on my fuzzy finger,
you fuck! Come on!
All right,
knock it off!
All right,
I'm just saying.
But do you think she might be expecting
me to make that kind of a move?
No, I don't think she is. And, not
only that, it's the wrong time.

Clip duration: 206 seconds
Views: 47
Timestamp in movie: 00:00:00
Uploaded: 28 January, 2021
Genres: comedy
Summary: John Bennett, a man whose childhood wish of bringing his teddy bear to life came true, now must decide between keeping the relationship with the bear, Ted or his girlfriend, Lori.