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Scrap Iron: Boy, you just done ate some shit. | Boy you just done ate some shit all laughing Some what
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Leon Phelps: So, I understand that you are a nun?
Nun: Yes, that's right.
Leon Phelps: Yeah, that's cool. And how long have you been, uh, nunnin' it up?
Nun: For about 30 years now.
Leon Phelps: Yeah....
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[after saying to Leon that she intends to take a job as a missionary in Bangkok]
Nun: What about a missionary position? Have you ever known the joys of a missionary position? | What about a missionary...
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Leon Phelps: Let me give you the play-by-play. I will probably begin with a very classy first line. Something like: Say, sweet thang, can I buy you a fish sandwich? And then I will commence to whisper...
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Leon Phelps: Listen. I don't care what you say. Chlamydia is a soup. It's my opinion. I can have that if I'd like. You don't have to argue. I've seen it on the grocery store shelf. Don't argue with me...
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Leon Phelps: Listen, I was wandering. Can I ask you a question? Uh... was your father a meat burgler? Here's why I ask: because it looks like somebody stole two fine hams and shoved them down the back...
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Leon Phelps: My name is Leon Phelps, and to those of you that are uninitiated, I am an expert in the ways of love. I have made love to many fine ladies from the lowliest bus station skank to the...
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Leon Phelps: What is love? What is this longing in our hearts for togetherness? Is it not the sweetest flower? Does not this flower of love have the fragrant aroma of fine, fine diamonds? Does not the...
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Charlie Anders: We're gonna have to jump.
Shawn Holloway: I feel sick.
Charlie Anders: We'll have sharpshooters around us any minute now.
Shawn Holloway: I'm not jumping.
Charlie Anders: Hold on. Just...
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Charlie Anders: Listen, if you weren't standing up on the roof like a signpost, we wouldn't be in this shit. My mate's been shot. He could be dead. You're a fucking menace, right? I should really kill...
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Bank Customer: We don't qualify, do we? I knew it!
Bank Customer: Honey, be quiet. She hasn't said anything yet.
Shawn Holloway: No, you qualify.
Bank Customer: I knew it!
Shawn Holloway: Technically....
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Shawn Holloway: Get up. It's morning.
Mathew Richmond: My God! Why didn't you tell me?
Shawn Holloway: I thought I just did. | man grunts Get up is morning flicking My God why don't tell me I thought ...
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Shawn Holloway: So is this the big plan or what? | So is this the big plan or what
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Shawn Holloway: What's going on is there really some nut on the roof holding a hostage?
Elevator Cop: Yes ma'am, but don't you worry, we'll get him.
Shawn Holloway: What are you gonna do once you get ...
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Shawn Holloway: You wanna know my dream? It's a beautiful dream; to be cremated. | Wanna know my dream Beautiful dream Yeah go on To be cremated
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Billy: It's like you said all she wanted was the money... I didn't mean shit to her.
Charlie Anders: She was just the wrong girl Billy...
Billy: No, you were right. women are bad, masturbating's good....
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Charlie Anders: You shouldn't smoke, you know, it'll kill ya.
Shawn Holloway: You're kidding, right?
Charlie Anders: Sorry. | You shouldn't smoke you know it'll kill you You kidding right
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Dr. Cooperman: Sing a song of sixpence?
Catharine Deane: A pocket full of rye. | Sing a song of sixpence Catherine A pocket full of rye
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Peter Novak: Can you get me out of this fucking suit! | Can you get me out of this fucking suit
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Miriam: [about Edward's parents] It's a good thing she worships you.
Catharine Deane: Because he hates me?
Miriam: I wouldn't say hate. Distrusts, dislikes immensely, can't bear the sight of. | Lucky ...
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Catharine Deane: Hey you.
[pets young Carl's horse]
Catharine Deane: You know, I know another little boy who has a horse. His name's Edward. The boy, not the horse. | Hey you Yeah you like that don't ...
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Carl Stargher: Why are you here... don't lie.
Catharine Deane: I came to help you.
Carl Stargher: You're lying! Bitch, whore... cunt!
Catharine Deane: You sound like your father.
Carl Stargher: My fat...
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Miriam: Did we go sailing?
Catharine Deane: Almost! Mocky-Lock showed up.
Miriam: [saying a nursery rhyme] Mocky-Lock is the boogeyman, Mocky-Lock wants me where I am!
Catharine Deane: Mocky-Lock is a...
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Snidely K. 'Whip' Whiplash: [beat] Oh, hello Dudley!
Dudley Do-Right: Hello, Whip!
Snidely K. 'Whip' Whiplash: [sadly] I've lost everything. Even the announcer's gone.
Voice of the Announcer: No, I'm ...
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Zenon: [after failing to get to the shuttle in time] And there it goes
Greg: What now?
Andrew: I think we ought to go to the cops.
Zenon: Yeah, right. My own parents didn't believe me. Why should they...
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Andrew: [Zenon and her Earth friends are to get to a shuttle via VW Beetle] Quiet. Shh, don't wake my parents.
Zenon: But how do we drive without your parents?
Andrew: It's got an auto pilot. It pract...
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Mark Kar: I'm sorry, Z. Your mother an-and I, have contacted your Aunt Judy.
Zenon: Aunt Judy? She hates space. She hates to travel. And you want to bring her up here to be my keeper?
Mark Kar: You do...
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Mark Kar: What if your tether broke while you were out there? What if we got bombarded by a sudden meteor shower?
Zenon: I can handle myself! I'm 13!
Mark Kar: Then you better start ACTING like it. | ...
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Mr. Windom: I refuse to engage in a name-calling contest with a teenager.
Zenon: That's because you know you'll lose! | I'm not going to engage in a name calling contest with a teenager Because you kn...
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Zenon: [after discovering a blocking chip in her Zap Pad] Thanks a metric ton, folks. Banish me, cut me off... ONE sin minor and my life is a living black hole! | Thanks a metric ton folks Banish me...
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Matt: Reality pill, Margie. It was never you he liked, it was the car. | Reality pill Margie It was never you he liked it was the car
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Zenon: Cetus lupeedus! | Cetus Lupeedus
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Lance Sullivan: In case y'all didn't know, marriage is the cure to promiscuity.
Quentin: In what world? | In case y'all didn't know marriage is the cure to promiscuity In what world
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Disco Cabbie: [Ellie is riding with Disco Cabbie complaining about finding Kevin with Lucy] Uh, I'm sensing a lot of hostility coming from the back seat.
Ellie: Oh, really? That's very astute.
Disco C...
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Monica: [Throws a drink at a romantic movie on TV] I hate you mother fuckers! | I hate you motherfuckers
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Monica: Throwing a party it's like... it's like an invitation for abuse. It's like the last desperate act of someone who hasn't had a lasting relationship since Junior High. | Throwing a party it's...
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Hillary: I don't want to look desperate.
Monica: Desperate? You could stand there naked with a mattress strapped to your back and still look like a vestal virgin.
Hillary: Do you think that would work...
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Disco Cabbie: One of the ugliest bitches I've ever seen in my life rolled up, and I'm not one to call women ugly, but I think this woman was, because she had a penis. | one of the ugliest bitches I've...
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Eric: You bring me over here, and you tell me I'm the worst lover you ever had. And now you tell me it can't be helped. | You bring me over here and you tell me I'm the worst lover you ever had And...
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[Lucy hands Kevin a bag]
Kevin: What's this?
Lucy: It's your birthday present, fuck head, open it. | What's this It's your present fuckhead Open it
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Stephie: You just stay the fuck away from B! | You just stay the fuck away from B
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Bartender: So, how do you like your eggs done in the morning, scrambled or fertilized? | how do you like your eggs in the morning Scrambled or fertilized
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Ellie: These matches are disappointing me! | These matches are disappointing me
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Lucy: In the five years we've known each other, have you once even ever considered having sex with me? Apart from tonight. You don't think I'm attracted to you.
Kevin: I don't think you're attracted t...
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Disco Cabbie: Everybody's having fun out here. They drinking, they fighting, they pissing on the streets. It's New Year's Eve. They loving the ladies. | Everybody's having fun out here They drinkin'...
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Eric: Look, just tell me one thing. I'm not a vain person. Was the sex any good at all?
Cheryl: No. I'm sorry. It was bad. | Look just tell me one thing I'm not a vain person Was the sex any good at a...
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Ellie: I've dated enough narcissistically neurotic men to know that you are all just a pack of roving babies in search of a giant teat from which to suck the lifeblood out of me until I am a hollow...
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Kevin: Look, I'm just gonna go home and kill myself. You wanna share a cab?
Lucy: So I can pass out and wake up *alone* on New Year's Day? | Look I'm just gonna go home and kill myself You want to sha...
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Kevin: You let somebody move in with you, you make all these little compromises to smooth things along, and the next thing you know, you're on some macrobiotic diet and you're listening to Joni...
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Kevin: Did you know that cigarettes are a shield against meaningful interaction with people? | Did you know that cigarettes are a shield against meaningful interaction with other people
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Lucy: You need to find somebody that likes you the way you are.
Kevin: And who would possibly like me the way I am?
Lucy: I have no idea. | You need to find somebody that likes you the way you are And...
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Jack: Look, what happened between us last night is like this ongoing problem with me. It happens all the time: I meet someone, we go home together, but then the next day it's...
Cindy: What? Next day ...
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Twitch: Yeah. Now, the smash the presents!
Reed Daley: Over my dead body!
[to the cats]
Nellie Brie: Honestly, Reed, your dead body is exactly what they're after! | Yeah Now smash the presses Over my ...
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Reed Daley: You know, if you weren't a lady, I'd give you a piece of my mind.
Nellie Brie: And I'd take it. But that would leave you with none to spare. | You know if you weren't a lady I'd give you a...
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Tony Toponi: [lethargically] Paper, hey! Get yer paper...
[mouse walks by]
Tony Toponi: Fine! So stay ignorant! | Paper Hey Get your paper Fine So stay ignorant
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Charlie Tweeder: [Mooning Mox and Billy Bob through the truck window] Good moonin, boys! Good moonin! I have been up since the crack of dawn and I had to *ass* you a question. | Good mooning boys good...
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Coach Bud Kilmer: You got to be the dumbest smart kid I know. | You are the damn dumbest smart kid I know
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Billy Bob: I sure do love that dog.
Mox: I think it's a pig.
Billy Bob: Yeah. | I love that dog I think it's a pig Yeah
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Lana: [to Brandon] Who are you? | Who are you
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Dr. Brenda Bradford: I'll be with you every step of the way!
Inspector Gadget: Okay. I'd shake your hand, but you might lose an eye. | I'll be with you every step of the way Okay I'd shake your hand b...
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Penny: This is the coolest watch. It's a radio, computer, and even a phone. Testing, testing. Brain, say something. Come in, Over.
Brain: Brain is not here. Please leave a message at the sound of the ...
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Ben: Isn't this the moment where one of us is supposed to say: Look, this is ridiculous, we love each other, all couples go through this, let's give it another try. | Isn't this the moment where one...
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Elizabeth Lochley: Do you believe that there is a supreme being?
Captain Matthew Gideon: Aside from John Sheridan?
Elizabeth Lochley: Yes! Aside from the wisest, bravest, sexiest man in the galaxy. Ap...
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Captain Matthew Gideon: [Galen has led Excaliber on a wild goose chase] Now will you tell me what's going on?
Galen: Her name was Isabelle and she was the best of us. Every technomage knows the fourte...
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Mrs. Bickerman: I'm rooting for the crocodile. I hope he swallows your friends whole. You might want to arrest me for that too. Is that a crime? To wish the chewing of law enforcement? | I'm rooting...
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Father: So, number one. I don't want all this plastic in my garden. And, do you feel like a winner? | Number one I don't want all this plastic in my garden Do you feel like a winner
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Father: I don't want this escaping. All this moody brooding; I just don't like that. | I don't want this escaping Just all this moody brooding I just don't like that