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Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

Nothing is off limits as Jimmy Carr serves up the best jokes from his storied stand-up career in a special that's as inappropriate as it is hilarious.

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Brian Klein

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I mean, "the hardest-working man,"
that's good, - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

I mean, "the hardest-working man," that's goo...

That's a very good reaction to that joke, - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

That's a very good reaction to that joke,

If you're sat there thinking,
"That was funny," - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

If you're sat there thinking, "That was funny,&quo...

If you're thinking,
"That was a bit much, actually..." - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

If you're thinking, "That was a bit much, actually...

[Jimmy chuckles] - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

[Jimmy chuckles]

So maybe, just maybe, - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

So maybe, just maybe,

[audience laughing, groaning] - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

[audience laughing, groaning]

During that last joke, - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

During that last joke,

Look, before we start properly, - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

Look, before we start properly,

So basically, how PC works in comedy is, - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

So basically, how PC works in comedy is,

A lot of people don't think pedophiles - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

A lot of people don't think pedophiles

I know certain people have got
certain words they just don't like. - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

I know certain people have got certain words they just don&#...

So to avoid causing offense
unnecessarily tonight, - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

So to avoid causing offense unnecessarily tonight,

So, for this evening,
"front bottom" and "back cunt." - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

So, for this evening, "front bottom" and "bac...

When Donald Trump first took to office, - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

When Donald Trump first took to office,

And I think that's his one good idea,
because walls work. - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

And I think that's his one good idea, because walls wor...

When I was younger,
I couldn't talk to women, - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

When I was younger, I couldn't talk to women,

Yeah, it's quite funny to say to a girl
who's going down on you, - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

Yeah, it's quite funny to say to a girl who's goin...

"Please don't hurt me." - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

"Please don't hurt me."

Would the newspaper headline be: - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

Would the newspaper headline be:

I was trying to write the shortest joke
possible, so I wrote a four-word joke. - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

I was trying to write the shortest joke possible, so I wrote...

Truth be told, I fucking love dwarfs, - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

Truth be told, I fucking love dwarfs,

I was in Brussels last year doing shows - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

I was in Brussels last year doing shows

And they told you on the news - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

And they told you on the news

It's not a mommy panda
and a daddy panda fucking. - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

It's not a mommy panda and a daddy panda fucking.

A look as if to say, "We do like the D." - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

A look as if to say, "We do like the D."

So you phone up the Chinese authorities, - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

So you phone up the Chinese authorities,

This panda fertility expert
brings with him, in his luggage, - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

This panda fertility expert brings with him, in his luggage,

So he flies to Brussels,
he's got the outfit with him, - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

So he flies to Brussels, he's got the outfit with him,

He dresses up from head to toe
as a panda, - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

He dresses up from head to toe as a panda,

So if anyone here's thinking,
"Oh, I've had a tough week at work..." - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

So if anyone here's thinking, "Oh, I've had a...

Incidentally, that is the day
to visit the zoo. Am I right? - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

Incidentally, that is the day to visit the zoo. Am I right?

So he wanks off a panda,
dressed as a panda, - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

So he wanks off a panda, dressed as a panda,

"Who was that bloke?" - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

"Who was that bloke?"

They wait until the female panda
is asleep in her enclosure. - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

They wait until the female panda is asleep in her enclosure.

And then they creep into the female
panda's enclosure as she sleeps - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

And then they creep into the female panda's enclosure a...

Every night after the show, - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

Every night after the show,

Sometimes, if I see a show,
if I'm at the back of the room, - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

Sometimes, if I see a show, if I'm at the back of the r...

I feel like, "Are people having more fun
down here than we're having at the back?" - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

I feel like, "Are people having more fun down here than...

And the other advantage
to sitting at the back - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

And the other advantage to sitting at the back

[chuckles] - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

[chuckles] - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

I was in a hotel having breakfast
and the waiter said to me, - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

I was in a hotel having breakfast and the waiter said to me,

I was on tour recently
and walked into a hotel room, - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

I was on tour recently and walked into a hotel room,

How did they know I'd be into that?" - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

How did they know I'd be into that?"

A lot of people text whilst driving. - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

A lot of people text whilst driving.

I'm not excusing it, - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

I'm not excusing it,

[chuckles] - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

It's actually easy
to tell if your house is haunted. - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

It's actually easy to tell if your house is haunted.

People claim to be into recycling, - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

People claim to be into recycling,

Women usually take care of contraception
within relationships, - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

Women usually take care of contraception within relationship...

She reckons the way
to drive a man wild with desire - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

She reckons the way to drive a man wild with desire

I've got a friend
whose nickname is "Shagger." - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

I've got a friend whose nickname is "Shagger."...

My girlfriend said to me recently, - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

My girlfriend said to me recently,

A little bit of encouragement
goes a long way." - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

A little bit of encouragement goes a long way."

I know a lot of people
think that's a trivial matter, - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

I know a lot of people think that's a trivial matter,

I've got no problem buying tampons, - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

I've got no problem buying tampons,

"Says super on the box.
I don't know what you want!" - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

"Says super on the box. I don't know what you want...

I bought my girlfriend a book called
Cheap And Easy Vegetarian Cooking, - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

I bought my girlfriend a book called Cheap And Easy Vegetari...

The first few weeks
of joining Weight Watchers, - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

The first few weeks of joining Weight Watchers,

She was livid.
She said, "I think you're fattist." - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

She was livid. She said, "I think you're fattist.&...

"Is that boob or arm?" - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

"Is that boob or arm?"

A very nice man came up to me
after a show recently and said, - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

A very nice man came up to me after a show recently and said...

A very sad day for any man - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

A very sad day for any man

Most men don't get enough fiber
in their diet. Yeah? - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

Most men don't get enough fiber in their diet. Yeah?

I read a thing recently.
It was in Men's Health Magazine. - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

I read a thing recently. It was in Men's Health Magazin...

Half of all women don't groom or style
their pubic hair. - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

Half of all women don't groom or style their pubic hair...

That means, statistically, - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

That means, statistically,

Personally, I worry
that one of my balls is bigger - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

Personally, I worry that one of my balls is bigger

I call them "Brazil nuts." - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

I call them "Brazil nuts."

Whenever I'm in the changing rooms
in the gym, - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

Whenever I'm in the changing rooms in the gym,

Ten percent of women have cried
in shop fitting rooms. - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

Ten percent of women have cried in shop fitting rooms.

[honks] - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

The worst thing about being told
you've got Alzheimer's - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

The worst thing about being told you've got Alzheimer&#...

Probably the best way I could describe it - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

Probably the best way I could describe it

I recently saw a transvestite
in a mini skirt. I thought... - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

I recently saw a transvestite in a mini skirt. I thought...

The male gypsy moth can smell
the female gypsy moth - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

The male gypsy moth can smell the female gypsy moth

The first time I told that joke - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

The first time I told that joke

If you took all the money that we
in the West spend on food in one week, - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

If you took all the money that we in the West spend on food ...

I don't know about you good people,
but I can't help feeling - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

I don't know about you good people, but I can't he...

I was in a doctor's waiting room, - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

I was in a doctor's waiting room,

One of the ladies, just trying to start
a conversation with her friend, - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

One of the ladies, just trying to start a conversation with ...

It's terrible, isn't it?" - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

It's terrible, isn't it?"

There's about half of you laughing
and half of you thinking, - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

There's about half of you laughing and half of you thin...

I call them "chunts." - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

I call them "chunts."

I think the thing most men like
about oral sex, - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

I think the thing most men like about oral sex,

If you've ever been going down on a guy
and he's gone, "Oh," - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

If you've ever been going down on a guy and he's g...

I don't have kids, but if I had kids, - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

I don't have kids, but if I had kids,

I had a really awkward moment on stage
recently while I was doing a show - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

I had a really awkward moment on stage recently while I was ...

What is it about being blind - Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits

What is it about being blind

Jimmy Carr: The Best of Ultimate Gold Greatest Hits poster

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Nothing is off limits as Jimmy Carr serves up the best jokes from his storied stand-up career in a special that's as inappropriate as it is hilarious.

User Rating: 0.0 (0 ratings)

Director: Brian Klein

Writer: Jimmy Carr

Production: N/A

Genre: comedy

Year: 2019

MetaScore: N/A/100

ImdbRating: 7.3

BoxOffice: N/A

Released: 12 Mar 2019

Awards: N/A

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