Transcript:
Sarah Connor:
[28:36]
Please. He's in great danger. He's naked without me. If I could just make a phone call.
Dr. Silberman:
I'm afraid not. Not for a while. I don't see any choice to recommend to th...

Transcript:
John Connor:
[1:08:54]
I said I was OK
Sarah Connor:
John, it was stupid of you to go there. God damn it you have to be smarter than that. you almost got yourself killed. What were you thinking? You ...

Transcript:
Sarah Connor:
[1:42:01]
I love you John, I always have
John Connor:
I know | I love you John I always have I know

Transcript:
Sarah Connor:
[after throwing the arm and chip into the steel]
It's over.
The Terminator:
No. There is one more chip.
[points to his head]

The Terminator:
And it must be destroyed also.
[hands her...

Transcript:
Amy Franklin:
[feels sorry for Hank, who is miserably huddled and shivering with just a blanket wrapped around him while she is nestled comfortably and warmly inside her snug sleeping bag, and so she ...

Scene Description:
a man in a pink shirt is looking at something.

Transcript:
Major Peete:
[at the hunters loading up]
What the hell is this? Deliverance?
Captain #1:
You there! Are those weapons loaded?
Vance:
You bet, General! And so are we!
Major Peete:
You'll be shooting...

Transcript:
Lt. Col. R.T. Nevitt:
They're gonna need a doctor when they get a whiff of this gas. | They're going to need a doctor when they get a whiff of this gas

Transcript:
Cratchit:
Why, Mr. Scrooge, Merry Christmas.
[Scrooge barges in]

Cratchit:
Won't you come in?
Scrooge:
Merry Christmas? Humph!
[drops a bag on the floor]

Scrooge:
I have another bundle for you.
...

Transcript:
Dinky:
What do you get out of bein' dead? Layin' in a grave ain't my idea of life. | What do you get out of being dead Laying in a grave aint my idea of life

Transcript:
Lt. James 'Jim' O'Hara:
Don't let him leave here without notifyin' me. You see, I feel responsible for the little guy. I sent him to that hotel. | I don't know Huh I'm not going through with this job ...

Transcript:
Dinky:
You've got a chance to get what you want more than anything else in the world.
Janos 'Johnny' Szabo:
You don't know what I want.
Dinky:
Yes I do. You want a face. A new face. A face that peop...

Transcript:
Pat Loud:
You do realize that we're being followed by a camera crew. | You do realize that we're being followed by a camera crew Lance right

Transcript:
[the undertakers bring the right coffin]

Brian:
I think you'll find that everything's in perfect order.
Michelle:
Oh, so now you want to be professional.
Aaron:
You got your keys? You got your Blac...

Transcript:
[the undertakers mistakenly brought the wrong coffin]

Brian:
We are very scattered today. This type of thing almost never happens.
Aaron:
Almost never happens?
Brian:
I said that out loud?
Aaron:
...

Transcript:
Norman:
He's grumpy. You got to know how to handle him.
Derek:
Oh, he looks kind of sweet.
Norman, Derek:
Hi, Uncle Russell!
Norman:
You remember me? I'm Norman. I came to pick you up and take...

Scene Description:
two men are sitting in a car and one of them is wearing a suit.

Transcript:
Hospital Nurse:
[after Bertram's colonoscopy]
Come back soon.
Bertram Pincus:
What a terrible thing to say in a hospital. | Come back soon What a terrible thing to say in a hospital

Scene Description:
a man in a black jacket is looking at a pink balloon.

Transcript:
Gwen:
We just get the one life, you know. Just one. You can't live someone else's or think it's more important just because it's more dramatic. What happens matters. Maybe only to us, but it matters. ...

Transcript:
Bertram Pincus:
Only floss the teeth that you want to keep. | Remember only floss the ones you wanna keep

Transcript:
Hospital Nurse:
Date of birth?
Bertram Pincus:
Why?
Hospital Nurse:
What day were you born?
Bertram Pincus:
No, I understood the question. Why do you need to know that?
Hospital Nurse:
Let's leave...

Transcript:
Hospital Nurse:
When was the last time you ate?
Bertram Pincus:
A pertinent question at last. Yesterday, lunchtime. Thanks for asking. I had a tuna sandwich. Toast was soggy, but...
Hospital Nurse:
...

Transcript:
Bertram Pincus:
[pointing at the dog]
When did you get your horse?
Gwen:
A couple of months ago. I found him at this shelter in Long Island. They were gonna put him down.
Bertram Pincus:
Then they l...

Transcript:
Bertram Pincus:
All work and no play makes Jack- a vital member of society. | All work and no play makes Jack a valuable member of society

Scene Description:
a man wearing a white shirt that says " the year 2010 " on it

Transcript:
[last lines]

Gwen:
It hurts when I smile...
Bertram Pincus:
I can fix that for you. | It has an odd smell I can't quite place it

Transcript:
Bertram Pincus:
Did anything usual happen during my operation?
Surgeon:
You... uh... died for seven minutes.
Bertram Pincus:
I died! For seven minutes!
Surgeon:
We brought you right back. People di...

Scene Description:
a man in a suit and a woman in a white lab coat talking to another man.

Transcript:
Bertram Pincus:
We live alone, and then we die alone. And apparently, we stay alone. | We live alone and then we die alone And apparently we stay alone

Transcript:
Frank Herlihy:
[to Bertram about his ability to see ghosts]
Everybody needs something done and you're the only person who can see or hear us. | There must be something wrong with him There must be som...

Transcript:
[about the mummified remains of Pepe]

Bertram Pincus:
They even put his penis in a big jar. I mean why... why would they do that?
Gwen:
Well... you saw that penis; it wouldn't have fit in a little j...

Transcript:
Bertram Pincus:
Listen, our time together, as we both know, has been rather unpleasant. But I will say this: even though you're a vulgar man - boorish, distasteful, uncouth, uneducated, *stupid* - at ...

Transcript:
Bertram Pincus:
You lied. Why would you do that?
Frank Herlihy:
Because you're a heartless son-of-a-bitch who doesn't give a rat's ass about anyone but himself. She's already had one of those. | You ...

Transcript:
Bertram Pincus:
[batting at smoke]
Nice. Fine example for healthcare workers. Still, I suppose smoking serves a purpose. Thins the herd. Weeds out the stupid. | Fine example for healthcare workers Sti...

Scene Description:
three people are standing in front of a brick building and one of them is waving.

Transcript:
Frank Herlihy:
You're a sad little man.
Bertram Pincus:
And you're a lying, bigamist, corpse.
Frank Herlihy:
No, no, I'm not a bigamist. I'm an adulterer. It's a whole different thing. | You are a s...

Transcript:
Bertram Pincus:
Gwen, I've lived more in the last few days that I've spent with you, since I died, than I ever lived before I died - back when I was living, the first time. | Gwen I've lived more in t...

Scene Description:
a woman is talking to a man in a white shirt.

Transcript:
Bertram Pincus:
I was dead and now they brought me back. I can... I can...
Frank Herlihy:
The dead have a lot of unfinished business, which is why we're still here. | And then when they brought me ba...

Scene Description:
two men sitting at a bar with one wearing a black vest and the other wearing a bow tie.

Transcript:
Bertram Pincus:
[points to Gwen's shoes]
Shoes. Your shoes are - comfortable? | Shoes Your shoes are comfortable

Transcript:
Bertram Pincus:
[unwillingly giving hospital nurse personal information]
Invasion of my privacy, that's what it is.
Admitting Nurse:
Wait'll they get you in the back. | Gross invasion of my privacy t...

Scene Description:
a man is sitting at a table with a clipboard with a woman on it.

Transcript:
Day Doorman:
[Pincus walks through a ghost and sneezes]
Bless you.
Bertram Pincus:
Oh, God, thank you.
Day Doorman:
[he walks through a ghost and sneezes sneezes]
Bless you.
Bertram Pincus:
Thank y...

Scene Description:
a man talking on the phone in front of a black and white checkered floor.

Transcript:
Bertram Pincus:
[seeing Pepe's mummified penis in a jar]
Woah! Well, I can see why he was King!
[Gwen laughs]

Bertram Pincus:
No, really!
[Gwen laughs]

Bertram Pincus:
Well, I can see he died happ...

Transcript:
[discussing the kind of man they need to romance Gwen]

Frank Herlihy:
I was thinking he should be rugged... you know?
Bertram Pincus:
No, not rugged... just... approachable...
Frank Herlihy:
Really...

Transcript:
Bertram Pincus:
Dr. Prashar - you're from a... scary country, right?
Dr. Prashar:
...I'm from India...
Bertram Pincus:
But, you're not... Christian, like us?
Dr. Prashar:
...I'm a Hindu...
Bertram...

Transcript:
Surgeon:
Everybody dies. | Everybody dies

Scene Description:
a man in a black suit with a tie and a tie.

Transcript:
Receptionist:
[to Dr. Pincus]
Okay, my opinion is that you didn't make sense just now. | Okay my opinion is that you didn't make sense just now

Transcript:
Frank Herlihy:
What's with the doom and gloom? It's goin' good. You're weaseling your way right in there. This is gonna work.
Bertram Pincus:
This Richard fellow. I just... I think Gwen really loves ...

Transcript:
Frank Herlihy:
[regarding Gwen]
You're in love with her.
[Dr. Pincus walks away]

Frank Herlihy:
You are.
[sighs, slaps his forehead]

Frank Herlihy:
I knew it. That little Grinch heart of yours act...

Transcript:
Surgeon:
Not a real people person, are you, Dr. Pincus?
Bertram Pincus:
Not really. Given a choice between a few people and loads of people, I choose my cat. She hunts dwarves. She takes them up the ...

Transcript:
Bertram Pincus:
You can trust me. I'm a dentist. | This is therapeutic actually You can trust me I'm a dentist

Transcript:
Bertram Pincus:
[weakly]
I love you!
Gwen:
Don't call me! | I love you Don't call me

Transcript:
[Pincus is about to go talk to Gwen]

Frank Herlihy:
You should lose the scrubs.
Bertram Pincus:
I'm a dentist - I just came from work. This is what we wear.
Frank Herlihy:
Fine...
Bertram Pincus:
...

Scene Description:
a man and a woman are talking in a park.

Transcript:
Bertram Pincus:
I don't *want* a Sapphire martini up with olives!
Bartender:
Well, that narrows it down... | I don't want a Sapphire martini up with olives Okay that narrows it down

Transcript:
Frank Herlihy:
I got to tell you, nobody was more excited than the naked guy. | I got to tell you nobody was more excited than Naked Guy He's

Transcript:
Clementine:
My embarrassing admission is I really like that you're nice, right now. | I'm really pissed that you said that to me

Transcript:
[Clementine is leading Joel out onto the frozen Charles River]

Joel:
I don't know. What if it breaks?
Clementine:
What if? Do you really care right now? | Where I don't know where What do you mean I...

Transcript:
Clementine:
Ouch. Ow my ass. | Ohh Oh my ass

Transcript:
Julius:
all right we made it where in new york. | Mr McCulloch Jason is here in New York

Transcript:
Russian Interregator #2:
Every minute you don't tell us why you are here, I cut off a finger.
Emmett Fitz-Hume:
Mine or yours?
Russian Interregator #2:
Yours.
Emmett Fitz-Hume:
Damn! | Every minute...

Scene Description:
a man wearing a hat that has the word war on it.

Transcript:
[Milbarge and Fitz-Hume hear a sound]

Emmett Fitz-Hume:
Did you hear that?
Austin Millbarge:
Yeah. It's a dickfer.
Emmett Fitz-Hume:
What's a dickfer?
Austin Millbarge:
To pee with. | You hear tha...

Transcript:
Ace Tomato Agent:
Won't you gentlemen have a Pepsi? | Why don't you gentlemen have a Pepsi

Transcript:
Emmett Fitz-Hume:
Are there any Paraguayans here?
[subtle laugh]

Emmett Fitz-Hume:
Well, of course, their requests for subsidies was not Paraguayan in and of it is as it were the United States gover...

Scene Description:
a man stands at a podium with a microphone in front of him.

Transcript:
Dr. Imhaus:
Doctor.
Austin Millbarge:
Doctor.
Dr. Imhaus:
Doctor.
Emmett Fitz-Hume:
Doctor.
[Imhaus exits]

Dr. Marston:
Doctor.
Austin Millbarge:
Doctor.
Dr. Marston:
Doctor.
Emmett Fitz-Hume:...

Transcript:
Austin Millbarge:
They do seem to be headed in that general direction. Maybe your dick's not so dumb.
Emmett Fitz-Hume:
It got me through high school. | They do seem to be headed in that general dire...

Transcript:
[Emmett Fitz-Hume and Austin Millbarge are surrounded by Ninja warriors]

Austin Millbarge:
For God's sake, show some balls!
Emmett Fitz-Hume:
I think it's too late to try and impress them. | Show so...

Transcript:
Captain Hefling:
[Talking about an encrypted transmission from the Chinese]
That was a static-filled, triple-scrambled microwave transmission between 2 soldiers talking in mandarin Chinese.
Austin Mi...

Transcript:
[There is a war cry in the distance]

Emmett Fitz-Hume:
Was that me? | Was that me

Transcript:
Emmett Fitz-Hume:
What's she saying?
Austin Millbarge:
H... hair... hairbrush... headrest...
Emmett Fitz-Hume:
Jesus, where did you learn your Russian? JCPenney? | FITZ HUME What's she saying Hair H...

Scene Description:
two men are standing in the snow, one of which is wearing a mask.

Transcript:
Emmett Fitz-Hume:
I'm sorry I'm late, I had to attend the reading of a will. I had to stay till the very end, and I found out I received nothing... broke my arm. | I'm sorry I'm late I had to attend t...

Transcript:
Keyes:
By your actions, sir, you are risking the future of the human race!
General Sline:
To guarantee the American way of life, I'm willing to take that risk. | By your actions sir you are risking t...

Scene Description:
a man in a military uniform is sitting next to another man in a uniform.

Transcript:
General Sline:
When we commissioned the Schmectel Corporation to research this precise event sequence scenario, it was determined that the continual stockpiling and development of our nuclear arsenal ...

Transcript:
Col. Rhumbus:
It is my job to evaluate your character types.
[looking at his clipboard]

Col. Rhumbus:
I have finished my evaluations.
Emmett Fitz-Hume:
What does it say?
Austin Millbarge:
[glancin...

Transcript:
Emmett Fitz-Hume:
Oh. Uh, will you hold my wallet for me while I take the test, please? There's a thousand dollars in there... or maybe there isn't. Know what I mean?
Test Monitor:
Are you saying I c...

Transcript:
Austin Millbarge:
I gotta take a leak. You should go too.
Emmett Fitz-Hume:
What are you my mother? Don't you think I'm capable of determining my own time to go to the bathroom?
Austin Millbarge:
So...