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Bernard: She remembers, and I'm not allowed to. | That's it she remembers and I'm not allowed to

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Bernard: [grabs a book at random] This one's good, you'll laugh, you'll cry, it'll change your life! | Here's one No I This one's very very good Is it Yes You'll laugh you'll cry it'll change your...

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Bernard: Whores will have their trinkets. | Well whores will have their trinkets

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Bernard: [selling a book] Enjoy. It's dreadful, but it's quite short. | It's dreadful but it's quite short

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Phyllis: But why don't we go to the station anymore?
Bobbie: Because we might meet the Station Master.
Peter: I'm not scared of the Station Master.
Phyllis: [Mimics Station Master] "Tell that to the M...

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Phyllis: Open mine, it's pencils! If you don't want them, I'll have them! | Open mine it's pencils If you don't like them I'll have them

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Charlie: Once upon a time there were three very different little girls who grew up to be three very different women with three things in common: they're brilliant, they're beautiful, and they work for...

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Janni Gogolack: Don't blong.
Oz: *Don't blong*?
Janni Gogolack: [Annoyed] Don't BE long! | Don't b' long Don't blong Don't be long Gotcha

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Roy O'Bannon: What are you doing here? I thought you were going to Carson City.
Chon Wang: [points at Roy] You! You gave me bad directions!
Roy O'Bannon: No, I gave you *wrong* directions.
[holds up C...

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Princess Pei Pei: Father, is this my husband-to-be? He's a toad. If the Emperor is so fond of him, why doesn't he marry him? | Father this is my husband to be He's a toad I will not marry him If the...

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Mordred: Give me the sword, or the woman dies.
King Arthur: Then take it.
[He tosses Excalibur straight at Mordred, which pierces through his chest] | Guinevere Kate Richie Give me the sword or the wo...

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Max Conners: Forget it. He's taken. Mama's boy.
Page Conners: We can get around her.
Max Conners: Pass. Mothers are death.
Page Conners: Can't argue that. | Forget it He's taken Mama's boy We can get ...

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Tom: What's your name?
[she walks off]
Tom: Hey, virgin, what's your name?
Jessica: Stupid!
Tom: What's your name?
Jessica: What's yours?
Tom: Tom. So...
Jessica: It's a secret.
Tom: Alright. | Hey vi...

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Pterano: [Nighttime planning] Sierra! Settle down, will you!
Sierra: Why should I? Anyway, what are we waiting for? We could be halfway to the smoking *mountain* by now!
Pterano: Yess! With *half* the...

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[Pterano, Rinkus and Sierra have kidnapped Ducky]
Petrie: Stop! Uncle, you make mean flier let Ducky go!
Pterano: Petrie, listen to me. Tell the others not to follow and no harm will come to the swimm...

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Martin Scorsese: [on Paths of Glory] It was so honest, it was shocking. | It was so honest that it was shocking

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Shelley Duvall: [about working with Kubrick on The Shining] Did you see Groundhog Day? | Did you see the film 'Groundhog Day'

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Jack Nicholson: Everyone pretty much acknowledges that he's the man, and I still feel that underrates him. | Everybody pretty much acknowledges he's the Man and I still feel that underrates him

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Russell Hammond: Is Penny okay?
Sapphire: Oh, the Quaaludes incident? Well, it wasn't pretty. She could have died. I always told her not to let too many guys fall in love with her. I guess I was wrong...

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Ben Fong-Torres: I like what we're saying. Let me try and get you a thousand more words. Now, it's in consideration for the cover; but, don't tell the band. The cover of Rolling Stone magazine. Crazy....

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Vic Munoz: It's all happening. They're here. Zeppelin are here. They are here. They're at the Plaza. Sapphire and Miss Penny Lane are there too. They're all staying under the name Emily Rugburn.
Willi...

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Penny Lane: When we go to Morocco, I think we should have completely different names and be completely different people.
William Miller: What will our names be? | Hey when we go to Morocco we should w...

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Russell Hammond: Write what you want. | Write what you want

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Real Topeka Kid: You're Russell from Stillwater.
Russell Hammond: Well, yeah, on my better days, I am Russell from Stillwater.
Real Topeka Kid: Hey, you wanna go to a party with me at my friend Aaron'...

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Elaine Miller: Look at this: an entire generation of Cinderellas and there's no glass slipper. | Look a generation of Cinderellas and there's no slipper coming

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Sapphire: Does anybody remember laughter? | Does anybody remember laughter

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[Regarding the t-shirt picture]
Russell Hammond: Can we just skip the vibe, and go straight to us laughing about this?
Jeff Bebe: Yeah, okay.
Russell Hammond: Because I can see by your face you want t...

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Penny Lane: I've made a decision, I'm gonna live in Morocco for one year. I need a new crowd. Do you wanna come?
William Miller: Yes! Yeah. Yeah.
Penny Lane: You sure?
William Miller: Ask me again.
Pe...

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Anita Miller: First it was butter; then, it was sugar and white flour, bacon, eggs, bologna, rock 'n roll, motorcycles. Then! It was celebrating Christmas on a day in September when you knew it...

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[Ed's only line]
Ed: Fuck it! I'm... I'm gay! | Fuck it I'm I'm gay

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William Miller: Do you have to be depressed to write a sad song? Do you have to be in love to write a love song? Is a song better when it really happened to you? Like "Love Thing," where did you write...

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Glen Walker: I want a fuckin' stage show that's gonna make people drop their motherfuckin' bowels, ya know? | I want a fuckin' stage show that's gonna make people drop their motherfuckin' bowels You...

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Jimmy: Honey, I'm black and I'm gay. They hate me way more than they'll hate you. | Honey I am black and I am a gay They hate me way more than they'll hate you

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Jane: The amazing thing about change is that everyone can do it. Even the people you least expect it from. | The amazing thing about change is that everyone can do it even the people you least expect...

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Taylor: So, how's therapy?
Jane: Sucks.
Taylor: Do you have to go again?
Jane: Yeah. My mother thinks it'll convert me.
Taylor: Heh. Believe me, if that were true, a lot of queers would flock to thera...

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Janice: When did you first feel that you were...
Jane: A lesbian? It's okay, you can say it without becoming one. | When did first feel that you were a A lesbian It s ok you can say it without becomin...

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Luke: Good evening. You all know the rules of King of the Mountain. Rule number one: you do not talk about King of the Mountain. Rule number two: there are no rules.
Anthony: Uh, what about rule numbe...

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Lance: There are gonna be some hotties, some slammin' bods with pants so tight it looks like they're painted on. Man, I love chicks. And chicks love me, so it's all good. | There are gonna be some...

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Herbert 'Papa' Muntz: Bull Mountain... don't go changin'! | Bull Mountain don't go changin'

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Pigpen: [holding Luke's head] Im gonna need a bucket, a paint brush, and ten pounds of salt. Lance, get his pants. | I'm gonna need a bucket a paint brush and ten pounds of salt Lance get his pants

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Karen "New York": I just want to let all the lesbians out there know: if I can make it to the top ten, so can you! Big out to Brooklyn! Yo!
Dave the Pageant Director: Get her off of there! Go to Stan!...

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Victor Melling: By the way, what are you planning to do for your talent: sing, dance, chew with your mouth closed?
Gracie Hart: I will do whatever you want me to do, Yoda. | What are you planning to d...

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Violet: [waitress aiming for New York] Enjoy your pie, guys. It's the last one I'll ever serve. | Enjoy your pie guys It's the last one I'll ever serve Aren't you forgetting something

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Gretchen: So why did the "gene dupes" ban it? Back travel?
Ruby: Uh, well, brain drain, apparently. Too many anachronists were disappearing into the past. They banned it in 2467, except for the termin...

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Ruby: I learned about his past by asking about my future. | Y i I learned about his past by asking about my future

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Sam Deed: When you back-travel, ya know, you go back centuries, ya know like that. The mind is a little slower. It tries to catch up, but then it gets confused and kinda throws itself into reverse, ya...

Transcript:
Sam Deed: I'm not from Dubuque.
Ruby: Okay, you're not from Dubuque. So where are you from then?
Sam Deed: Dubuque.
Ruby: [screams]
Sam Deed: I'm not from Dubuque in the way you think I'm from Dubuque...

Transcript:
Mark: Do you ever think about, like, the big issues, you know? Like, where do we come from? What are we here for?
Sam Deed: Someday, Marko, there won't be any big questions.
Mark: Like UFO's, all righ...

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Sam Deed: You know, I've never told a woman the things I've told you. You are the first and... the only. You're... the one and only. You know... I... I... I feel like... ah... I feel like my whole...

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Sam Deed: [Ruby is relating to her therapist what Sam said about love and time and we cut to witness it] Your heart is like a clock measuring time and one's emotional state determines the flow of...

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Sam Deed: I'm different.
Ruby: You're gay! You're a Jew for Jesus? It's that tattoo. It's a cult. You're in a cult. You're a Branch Davidian? You're a Survivalist?
Sam Deed: No!
Ruby: You're a pimp an...

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Sam Deed: The future isn't what it used to be... | The future isn't what it used to be

Transcript:
[first lines]
Ruby: Murder? Oh God, Sam, murder?
Sam Deed: It wasn't me.
Ruby: Nobody could understand this, Sam, it's too much. It's too much.
Sam Deed: I think it would be easier if I told you a lit...

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Ruby: Religion goes out of favor in 2033 when science discovers the gene that regulates fear. | Religion goes out of favor in 2033 when science discovers the gene that regulates fear

Transcript:
David Chappelle: Remember viewers, some of this language is disturbing.
David Chappelle: Hello, emergency.
David Chappelle: HELP. HELP MOTHERFUCKER, THEY COMING TO GET ME.
David Chappelle: Now, just c...

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David Chappelle: [regarding a cokehead president] Mr. President! Stop sucking the ambassador's dick! | Stop sucking the ambassador's dick

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David Chappelle: [later] "Hey, baby! Stop selling weed, all right, you've got your whole life ahead of you." He goes, "Fuck you, nigga. I got kids to feed!" | Hey baby Stop selling weed You got your...

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David Chappelle: Have you ever had something happen to you that was so racist that you didn't even get mad? You were just like "Goddamn, that was racist!" It was so blatent, you were just like "Wow!"...

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David Chappelle: I was on the road and in one club I seen a thing they called... a thong contest.
Audience member: YES! | See I was on the road one club and I seen I see a thing they call a thong cont...

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David Chappelle: All I'll say about Elian is thank God he's Cuban. 'Cause if he was Haitian you'd've never heard about his ass. If Elian Gonzales was Elian Mumumbo from Haiti, they would've pushed...

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David Chappelle: Somebody broke into my house once, this is a good time to call the police, but mm mm, nope. The house was too nice. It was a real nice house, but they'd never believe i lived in it....

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David Chappelle: They got a character on there named Oscar, they treat this guy like shit the entire show. They judge him right in his face, "Oscar you are so mean! Isn't he kids?", "Yeah Oscar! Your...

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David Chappelle: You'll be walking down the street and you'll see a bunch of black dudes walking, not just any old black dudes, we're talking 'thugs'. And in the group, they got one, or two, sometimes...

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Trevor McKenney: Is the world just shit? | Is the world just shit

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Jerry: [tearfully] Do me a favor... save my life. | Do me a favor Save my life

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Colonel Hayes Hodges: [final arguments of the defense]
Colonel Hayes Hodges: [presenting a photo of the embassy to juries] That is sovereign United States territory as much as if it were in Ohio or Ma...

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Charles "Chas" Finster: [pacing at the altar] I wonder where Jean-Claude is with the kids. I can't start without my little guy. | Uh I wonder where Jean Claude is with the kids I can't start without...

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Kira Watanabe: Ah, bonjour! Welcome to Euro Reptar, and one of you must be Mr. Pickles!
Stu Pickles: That would be moi, heh-heh. And this is my good friend, Charles Finster.
Charles "Chas" Finster: [s...

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Phil DeVille: [groans] Eating this goo is making my tummy bubbly.
[farts; a green bubble floats up out of his pants]
Lil DeVille: [gasps] I thought you could only do that in the bathtub.
[the bubble p...