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Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

From marrying a zaddy to unrealistic sex scenes in movies, Hannah Berner unpacks romance, dating and more in this raunchy stand-up special.

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[audience cheering] - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

[audience cheering]

What the fuck is up, Philadelphia?! - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

What the fuck is up, Philadelphia?!

[cheering] - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

Oh, okay, church. [laughs] - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

Oh, okay, church. [laughs]

I don't know… - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

I don't know…

-[audience cheering]
-[Hannah] Thank you. - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

-[audience cheering] -[Hannah] Thank you.

[audience cheering] - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

[audience cheering]

But society tries to scare the shit out
of you when you turn 30. - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

But society tries to scare the shit out of you when you turn...

They're like, if you're not fucking
your face with a jade roller. - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

They're like, if you're not fucking your face with...

If you're not doing Pilates,
which is BDSM. - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

If you're not doing Pilates, which is BDSM.

If you're not putting snail mucin,
snail ejaculate all over your face. - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

If you're not putting snail mucin, snail ejaculate all ...

By the time you turn 30, they make
you feel like you're just gonna become… - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

By the time you turn 30, they make you feel like you're...

Commercials are like,
"Do you have a fine line?" - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

Commercials are like, "Do you have a fine line?"

[audience cheering] - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

[audience cheering]

But you know what's crazy. I'm 32. - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

But you know what's crazy. I'm 32.

And that's when you have to ask yourself, - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

And that's when you have to ask yourself,

[audience cheers] - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

[audience cheers]

[audience cheering] - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

[audience cheering]

But I think it's a conspiracy
that I have to drink so much water. - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

But I think it's a conspiracy that I have to drink so m...

You know, like,
male conspiracy theories is 9/11, - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

You know, like, male conspiracy theories is 9/11,

[audience laughs] - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

[audience laughs]

Walking around, it's like,
"You work from home, Stephanie." - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

Walking around, it's like, "You work from home, St...

That is liquid Chernobyl.
What are you doing? - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

That is liquid Chernobyl. What are you doing?

[audience cheering] - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

[audience cheering]

Girls are running
around like… [screeching] - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

Girls are running around like… [screeching]

And I'm like, "Look, I'm not a doctor." - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

And I'm like, "Look, I'm not a doctor."

I'm not saying Diet Coke is heroin, - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

I'm not saying Diet Coke is heroin,

I wish the most essential liquid
was an espresso martini. - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

I wish the most essential liquid was an espresso martini.

It gets you hyper, - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

It gets you hyper,

You're like, "Ooh! Ooh-ooh-ooh!" - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

You're like, "Ooh! Ooh-ooh-ooh!"

[laughing] - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

Isis? Is it spelled the way
we are afraid it's spelled? - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

Isis? Is it spelled the way we are afraid it's spelled?

That's like Hannah Montana and me.
I was first. Yeah. - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

That's like Hannah Montana and me. I was first. Yeah.

Wait. Isis copied your brand. That's embarrassing for t...

[audience laughs] - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

[audience laughs]

[laughing] - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

[laughing] - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

But I've been really
into politics lately. [laughing] - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

But I've been really into politics lately. [laughing]

Regardless what you believe in, - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

Regardless what you believe in,

[audience cheers] - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

[audience cheers]

I don't know anything about politics,
but I know how to do research. - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

I don't know anything about politics, but I know how to...

[audience cheering] - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

[audience cheering]

Do you know some people believe
that you should never have an abortion - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

Do you know some people believe that you should never have a...

Do you know some people believe
that guns don't kill people, - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

Do you know some people believe that guns don't kill pe...

Guns don't kill people. Men kill people. - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

Guns don't kill people. Men kill people.

-[chuckles]
-[audience cheers] - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

-[chuckles] -[audience cheers]

And the 2% who were women - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

And the 2% who were women

[audience cheering] - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

[audience cheering]

The men are shaking. They're scared now.
They're like, "Get me the fuck out." - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

The men are shaking. They're scared now. They're l...

[audience cheering] - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

[audience cheering]

Fine. I just think we need
a little more gun safety, - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

Fine. I just think we need a little more gun safety,

[cheering] - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

[audience cheers] - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

[audience cheers]

When a woman truly, truly, truly snaps, - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

When a woman truly, truly, truly snaps,

Also, like if I had a gun, - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

Also, like if I had a gun,

[audience laughs] - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

[audience laughs]

You're holding your purse and your gun
and Starbucks and keys and tampons. - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

You're holding your purse and your gun and Starbucks an...

You're like, "You're not shooting anyone.
You can barely hold anything." - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

You're like, "You're not shooting anyone. You...

Yeah, you can barely clap.
You're not shooting up a mall. - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

Yeah, you can barely clap. You're not shooting up a mal...

[audience chuckles] - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

[audience chuckles]

And you're like, "Guns! We got our guns." - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

And you're like, "Guns! We got our guns."

Like, "Hold on, my musket." - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

Like, "Hold on, my musket."

One guy was like,
"It's not the shooter's fault." - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

One guy was like, "It's not the shooter's fau...

If you really want a gun,
you have to go to the blowjob shop. - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

If you really want a gun, you have to go to the blowjob shop...

He was like,
"It's not the shooter's fault." - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

He was like, "It's not the shooter's fault.&q...

I'm gonna say something controversial
'cause you guys are fun. - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

I'm gonna say something controversial 'cause you g...

Sex is not consistently
as good as society makes it seem. - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

Sex is not consistently as good as society makes it seem.

'Cause the lesbians, they're coming.
Okay, they're coming. They're coming. - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

'Cause the lesbians, they're coming. Okay, they�...

[cheering] - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

I'm like, "What dribbled out of your dick
that you can't speak for four weeks?" - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

I'm like, "What dribbled out of your dick that you...

She's like, "This is my moment." - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

She's like, "This is my moment."

All the straight girls are like,
"What is going on?" [laughs] - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

All the straight girls are like, "What is going on?&quo...

[laughing] - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

That's where we get confused.
It's so unrealistic, these scenes. - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

That's where we get confused. It's so unrealistic,...

They just start going at it.
They're making out. They're breaking shit. - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

They just start going at it. They're making out. They&#...

The guy will, like, kick over a lamp.
And I'm like, "Don't touch my home decor." - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

The guy will, like, kick over a lamp. And I'm like, &qu...

And he, like, puts her
on the counter. [grunts] - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

And he, like, puts her on the counter. [grunts]

In movies,
the guy will just unzip his jeans, - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

In movies, the guy will just unzip his jeans,

-[laughs]
-[audience cheers] - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

-[laughs] -[audience cheers]

And I've never heard one queef in a movie. - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

And I've never heard one queef in a movie.

[audience laughs] - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

[audience laughs]

If it doesn't smell, you're Gucci.
Get out of there. You got away with it. - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

If it doesn't smell, you're Gucci. Get out of ther...

Stop saying that I queefed. - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

Stop saying that I queefed.

And I know that for a fact
because I've never queefed alone. - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

And I know that for a fact because I've never queefed a...

[laughs] - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

Sorry you didn't realize
my pussy was so fucking tight - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

Sorry you didn't realize my pussy was so fucking tight

But don't gaslight me
and tell me that I queefed - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

But don't gaslight me and tell me that I queefed

No, I like doggy because - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

No, I like doggy because

[laughing] - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

And that's when he always,
like, accidentally hits the wrong hole. - Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn

And that's when he always, like, accidentally hits the ...

Hannah Berner: We Ride at Dawn poster

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

From marrying a zaddy to unrealistic sex scenes in movies, Hannah Berner unpacks romance, dating and more in this raunchy stand-up special.

User Rating: 0.0 (0 ratings)

Director: N/A

Writer: Hannah Berner

Production: N/A

Genre: comedy

Year: 2024

MetaScore: N/A/100

ImdbRating: 6.1

BoxOffice: N/A

Released: 09 Jul 2024

Awards: N/A

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