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Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

Renowned comedian and podcast host Joe Rogan delivers a live stand-up set at the Majestic Theatre in San Antonio, Texas, for his third Netflix special.

Director

Anthony Giordano

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N/A

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Opening Act

Neil Downanlich

Opening act

Ari Matti Mustonen

Self

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{\an8}And now,
live from San Antonio, this is Joe Rogan. - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

{\an8}And now, live from San Antonio, this is Joe Rogan.

What's up? What's happening? San Antonio! - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

What's up? What's happening? San Antonio!

And I wouldn't wanna be anywhere else
but here in Texas. - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

And I wouldn't wanna be anywhere else but here in Texas...

Thanks for coming out, folks.
Thank you very much, appreciate it. - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

Thanks for coming out, folks. Thank you very much, appreciat...

The only adjustment I've ever had to make
is Texas weed. - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

The only adjustment I've ever had to make is Texas weed...

You think it's the same.
Texas weed is different. - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

You think it's the same. Texas weed is different.

Because Texas weed is grown on Texas soil. - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

Because Texas weed is grown on Texas soil.

Because if you smoke
too much Texas weed, like… - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

Because if you smoke too much Texas weed, like…

I heard that every Buc-ee's is built
on an Indian burial ground. - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

I heard that every Buc-ee's is built on an Indian buria...

Don't say you heard it from me.
I am known for that shit. - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

Don't say you heard it from me. I am known for that shi...

They're like, "Why do you like Texas?"
I take them right to Buc-ee's. "Behold!" - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

They're like, "Why do you like Texas?" I take...

If you've never been to Buc-ee's, - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

If you've never been to Buc-ee's,

You really did it. You got a pile
of your dad's oil money, like-- - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

You really did it. You got a pile of your dad's oil mon...

"I wanna sell kayaks!" - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

"I wanna sell kayaks!"

If you could vote for Trump at Buc-ee's,
the aliens would land. - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

If you could vote for Trump at Buc-ee's, the aliens wou...

They would go, "What the fuck
are you people doing?" - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

They would go, "What the fuck are you people doing?&quo...

I've had so many dumb conversations
about them. - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

I've had so many dumb conversations about them.

The dumbest argument
that aliens aren't real, - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

The dumbest argument that aliens aren't real,

No, you just trick those dummies
with fake food - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

No, you just trick those dummies with fake food

I think aliens look at us the same way
we look at Waffle House fights. - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

I think aliens look at us the same way we look at Waffle Hou...

They just observe, like,
"What the fuck is going on?" - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

They just observe, like, "What the fuck is going on?&qu...

Like, "Take me to your leader." - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

Like, "Take me to your leader."

Come on, man." - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

I would find some dude cooking meth
in Arkansas, - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

I would find some dude cooking meth in Arkansas,

Go tell them how I touched your butt." - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

Go tell them how I touched your butt."

Make him love it. Make him
just jizz all over himself." - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

Make him love it. Make him just jizz all over himself."

"Oh, Jesus." - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

People gonna go, "Is that all?"
"That's everything. The whole story." - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

People gonna go, "Is that all?" "That's ...

Maybe that's how they get our DNA.
That's how they get cum out of donkeys. - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

Maybe that's how they get our DNA. That's how they...

I used to host Fear Factor, and, uh… - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

I used to host Fear Factor, and, uh…

Fear Factor was canceled because
we made people drink donkey cum. - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

Fear Factor was canceled because we made people drink donkey...

I'm the only guy in Hollywood that lost
a job because people had to drink cum. - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

I'm the only guy in Hollywood that lost a job because p...

And look, first of all, wasn't my idea.
Okay? I just worked there. - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

And look, first of all, wasn't my idea. Okay? I just wo...

And the way Fear Factor would work,
I would show up, - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

And the way Fear Factor would work, I would show up,

I would read it and go, "What the fuck?" - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

I would read it and go, "What the fuck?"

"I don't think you should make people
drink cum on TV." - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

"I don't think you should make people drink cum on...

And here's the thing, they had buckets,
like Home Depot buckets, of cum. - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

And here's the thing, they had buckets, like Home Depot...

And I'm like, "How did you get that?" - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

And I'm like, "How did you get that?"

We got laws, okay? - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

We got laws, okay?

So I asked the handler,
"How do you get it?" - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

So I asked the handler, "How do you get it?"

And I was like, "Whoa,
that is so fucked up." - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

And I was like, "Whoa, that is so fucked up."

If that was your favorite thing,
you gotta keep that to yourself. - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

If that was your favorite thing, you gotta keep that to your...

They ask you, "What's the happiest
day of your life? Birth of your child?" - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

They ask you, "What's the happiest day of your lif...

They stuck the finger of God up my ass,
and I jizzed out of every cell in my body. - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

They stuck the finger of God up my ass, and I jizzed out of ...

And I been chasing that dragon ever since. - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

And I been chasing that dragon ever since.

I'm on my rooftop every night
with a flashlight going: - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

I'm on my rooftop every night with a flashlight going:

If they're real and they're watching-- - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

If they're real and they're watching--

We lost a lot of people during COVID,
and most of them are still alive. - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

We lost a lot of people during COVID, and most of them are s...

Yeah. Right? - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

Before COVID, I would have told you - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

Before COVID, I would have told you

After COVID, I'm like,
"I don't think we went to the moon." - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

After COVID, I'm like, "I don't think we went...

I think there's directed-energy weapons
in Antarctica. - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

I think there's directed-energy weapons in Antarctica.

I don't think Michelle Obama's got a dick,
but I believe all that other shit. - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

I don't think Michelle Obama's got a dick, but I b...

Because here's a pop quiz:
how many ladies got fired - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

Because here's a pop quiz: how many ladies got fired

Out of all the crazy bitches out there, - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

Out of all the crazy bitches out there,

Dudes were dropping like flies. - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

Dudes were dropping like flies.

It was the number one reason
why men in executive positions got fired. - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

It was the number one reason why men in executive positions ...

Men are so gross you can't even
set up in front of a camera with a-- - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

Men are so gross you can't even set up in front of a ca...

If this dog stops barking
so I can keep my hard-on." - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

If this dog stops barking so I can keep my hard-on."

Here's the thing about jerking off.
Everybody does it, - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

Here's the thing about jerking off. Everybody does it,

You're like, "Oh, no,
I can't believe I got caught." - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

You're like, "Oh, no, I can't believe I got c...

But it was by my wife,
and she was so upset. - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

But it was by my wife, and she was so upset.

She goes, "I can't believe you did it
while I'm at home." I'm like… - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

She goes, "I can't believe you did it while I'...

I put a glass of water on the bed
to make sure I'm not making any ripples. - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

I put a glass of water on the bed to make sure I'm not ...

Listen. It's a way to find out
what really bothers you. - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

Listen. It's a way to find out what really bothers you.

I don't like to give advice.
I don't give a lot of advice. - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

I don't like to give advice. I don't give a lot of...

Don't do it. But if you're gonna do it,
that's the number. This is why. - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

Don't do it. But if you're gonna do it, that'...

If you wanna know what's in the basement,
you gotta go down the stairs. - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

If you wanna know what's in the basement, you gotta go ...

It makes food taste better,
makes sex feel better." - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

It makes food taste better, makes sex feel better."

The airport is the best place
to be high in public. - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

The airport is the best place to be high in public.

This is why. Because no one notices.
Because everyone's acting weird. - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

This is why. Because no one notices. Because everyone's...

They're all worried they're gonna die.
When you're high, you blend right in. - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

They're all worried they're gonna die. When you�...

"Get in line." I'm like, "Okay." - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

"Get in line." I'm like, "Okay."

You're like, "Whoa." - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

You're like, "Whoa."

They're like, "Dude,
it makes me paranoid." - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

They're like, "Dude, it makes me paranoid."

But when it's over… - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

But when it's over…

Everyone in this room
that has ever been too high, - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

Everyone in this room that has ever been too high,

I'm gonna be nicer to people.
I'm gonna hug more folks. - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

I'm gonna be nicer to people. I'm gonna hug more f...

Like, half these problems
have to be my fault." - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

Like, half these problems have to be my fault."

Like, I have TSA Pre, which I really
recommend if you're not a terrorist. - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

Like, I have TSA Pre, which I really recommend if you'r...

It's a solid deal. If you give
the government money, - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

It's a solid deal. If you give the government money,

You're like, "Ah, thank you, overlords.
So kind." - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

You're like, "Ah, thank you, overlords. So kind.&q...

You get to pass those barefoot losers
with their shitty paperwork. - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

You get to pass those barefoot losers with their shitty pape...

But I didn't know that, uh,
they still have to touch you - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

But I didn't know that, uh, they still have to touch yo...

And this is exactly how this lady
said this to me. She goes: - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

And this is exactly how this lady said this to me. She goes:

And I'm like, "But I got the TSA Pre."
She goes: - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

And I'm like, "But I got the TSA Pre." She go...

But it doesn't take long,
so why are we fighting?" - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

But it doesn't take long, so why are we fighting?"

That is a new thing you can say. - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

That is a new thing you can say.

If you say to a person, no matter
what you look like, if you say: - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

If you say to a person, no matter what you look like, if you...

She knew what to do. She goes: - Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats

She knew what to do. She goes:

Joe Rogan: Burn the Boats poster

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Renowned comedian and podcast host Joe Rogan delivers a live stand-up set at the Majestic Theatre in San Antonio, Texas, for his third Netflix special.

User Rating: 0.0 (0 ratings)

Director: Anthony Giordano

Writer: N/A

Production: N/A

Genre: comedy

Year: 2024

MetaScore: N/A/100

ImdbRating: 4.5

BoxOffice: N/A

Released: 03 Aug 2024

Awards: N/A

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