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David Cross: Oh Come On

Share the laughter, the tears, the gasps, and the salty language that you've come to know and love. Stare into the abyss one more time until the next time and see what makes David Cross one of the top 400 comics in America today.

Director

Lance Bangs

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N/A

Production

Comedy Dynamics,Field Recordings Filmproduktion

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[laughs] Just maybe, add the
clapping to it..."Whee!" - David Cross: Oh Come On

[laughs] Just maybe, add the clapping to it..."Whee!&qu...

And it did the same thing
there. And when I was in D.C., - David Cross: Oh Come On

And it did the same thing there. And when I was in D.C.,

The city itself is not--
I mean, every-- - David Cross: Oh Come On

The city itself is not-- I mean, every--

And... but the museums
are amazing. - David Cross: Oh Come On

And... but the museums are amazing.

But the first thing I always
do when I get to D.C., - David Cross: Oh Come On

But the first thing I always do when I get to D.C.,

And, uh... it's great. - David Cross: Oh Come On

And, uh... it's great.

And except they
have this weird rule, - David Cross: Oh Come On

And except they have this weird rule,

And I asked the guy, "Why do I
have to take my shoes off - David Cross: Oh Come On

And I asked the guy, "Why do I have to take my shoes of...

This is-- I don't want anybody
to get, you know, - David Cross: Oh Come On

This is-- I don't want anybody to get, you know,

It's 100 percent fresh,
Rotten Tomatoes, - David Cross: Oh Come On

It's 100 percent fresh, Rotten Tomatoes,

It's great, I'm just
warming up, so, you know, - David Cross: Oh Come On

It's great, I'm just warming up, so, you know,

But before I do get
into the actual set, - David Cross: Oh Come On

But before I do get into the actual set,

Address the tragic events
that occurred - David Cross: Oh Come On

Address the tragic events that occurred

Uh, there's nothing, obviously
nothing funny about it, - David Cross: Oh Come On

Uh, there's nothing, obviously nothing funny about it,

The terrorist bombings
that took place - David Cross: Oh Come On

The terrorist bombings that took place

But I believe you have to find
a silver lining in everything. - David Cross: Oh Come On

But I believe you have to find a silver lining in everything...

And as awful as they were, - David Cross: Oh Come On

And as awful as they were,

2024 U.S. Paralympic team should
have a very strong showing. - David Cross: Oh Come On

2024 U.S. Paralympic team should have a very strong showing.

Too soon. It's just...
it's too soon. - David Cross: Oh Come On

Too soon. It's just... it's too soon.

So I was on the... I was
on the internet the other day, - David Cross: Oh Come On

So I was on the... I was on the internet the other day,

And I hope it wasn't
Michael Nesmith, you know? - David Cross: Oh Come On

And I hope it wasn't Michael Nesmith, you know?

He wrote all the songs.
When we think fondly - David Cross: Oh Come On

He wrote all the songs. When we think fondly

First joke was too soon,
second one was too late. - David Cross: Oh Come On

First joke was too soon, second one was too late.

So I think I speak for everyone
in this room here tonight - David Cross: Oh Come On

So I think I speak for everyone in this room here tonight

And it always bothered me.
Even before I had a kid, - David Cross: Oh Come On

And it always bothered me. Even before I had a kid,

Uh, "Yeah, so I had a kid."
"Yay!" There's... - David Cross: Oh Come On

Uh, "Yeah, so I had a kid." "Yay!" There...

I haven't-- I haven't done
anything applause-worthy yet. - David Cross: Oh Come On

I haven't-- I haven't done anything applause-worth...

You know what I'm saying?
I mean, you know, I barely - David Cross: Oh Come On

You know what I'm saying? I mean, you know, I barely

And if I've produced a decent,
kind, ethical, moral, - David Cross: Oh Come On

And if I've produced a decent, kind, ethical, moral,

I mean, she could turn out
to be a cunt. You know? - David Cross: Oh Come On

I mean, she could turn out to be a cunt. You know?

You know well-intended,
well-meaning parents - David Cross: Oh Come On

You know well-intended, well-meaning parents

Their children
are fucking shitty pieces - David Cross: Oh Come On

Their children are fucking shitty pieces

And, I mean, obviously my wife
and I are, you know, - David Cross: Oh Come On

And, I mean, obviously my wife and I are, you know,

We could put in all the work,
and she still ends up - David Cross: Oh Come On

We could put in all the work, and she still ends up

You can throw as many future
feminist onesies on an infant, - David Cross: Oh Come On

You can throw as many future feminist onesies on an infant,

When I was growing up,
my dad had a coffee mug - David Cross: Oh Come On

When I was growing up, my dad had a coffee mug

And he was a lying asshole
piece of shit. - David Cross: Oh Come On

And he was a lying asshole piece of shit.

He was a piece of shit.
So what I'm saying is - David Cross: Oh Come On

He was a piece of shit. So what I'm saying is

I blame the Chinese, really.
Uh... - David Cross: Oh Come On

I blame the Chinese, really. Uh...

But, you know,
I am a first-time father. - David Cross: Oh Come On

But, you know, I am a first-time father.

Longtime listener. And... - David Cross: Oh Come On

Longtime listener. And...

And just to allay any fears,
I'm... - David Cross: Oh Come On

And just to allay any fears, I'm...

I'm not gonna do an hour
of dad jokes. All right? - David Cross: Oh Come On

I'm not gonna do an hour of dad jokes. All right?

-Yes, exactly.
-[scattered cheering] - David Cross: Oh Come On

-Yes, exactly. -[scattered cheering]

And two, it would make me
quite a hypocrite, you know, - David Cross: Oh Come On

And two, it would make me quite a hypocrite, you know,

I mean, that's... it's a wholly
unique experience to me. - David Cross: Oh Come On

I mean, that's... it's a wholly unique experience ...

So of course I've made
some observations - David Cross: Oh Come On

So of course I've made some observations

And I'm certainly not
gonna tell you, you know, - David Cross: Oh Come On

And I'm certainly not gonna tell you, you know,

But she is precocious,
I will say that. She is... - David Cross: Oh Come On

But she is precocious, I will say that. She is...

She is precocious. She's...
she's 54 weeks old. - David Cross: Oh Come On

She is precocious. She's... she's 54 weeks old.

But if you see her,
you'd be like, - David Cross: Oh Come On

But if you see her, you'd be like,

I know. She's very mature
for her age. You don't-- - David Cross: Oh Come On

I know. She's very mature for her age. You don't--

Or I carry her, but, you know,
she exudes a kind of maturity - David Cross: Oh Come On

Or I carry her, but, you know, she exudes a kind of maturity

It's a blob, it's not, you know,
but then over time, - David Cross: Oh Come On

It's a blob, it's not, you know, but then over tim...

And it's really fascinating,
and I'm really looking forward - David Cross: Oh Come On

And it's really fascinating, and I'm really lookin...

When is it gonna be worth it
in any way, shape or form? - David Cross: Oh Come On

When is it gonna be worth it in any way, shape or form?

I'm doing that thing,
it's a very Brooklyn thing, - David Cross: Oh Come On

I'm doing that thing, it's a very Brooklyn thing,

You know? You keep them pure,
you keep them away, - David Cross: Oh Come On

You know? You keep them pure, you keep them away,

And then this way,
I can't taint her - David Cross: Oh Come On

And then this way, I can't taint her

And I've also decided
that I'm not gonna teach her - David Cross: Oh Come On

And I've also decided that I'm not gonna teach her

No "he's" or "she's."
But everybody will be "they." - David Cross: Oh Come On

No "he's" or "she's." But ever...

But so that she'll fail English.
So... - David Cross: Oh Come On

But so that she'll fail English. So...

That's pretty cool.
That's a milestone that, - David Cross: Oh Come On

That's pretty cool. That's a milestone that,

She said "Pyongyang."
Which is... pretty cool. - David Cross: Oh Come On

She said "Pyongyang." Which is... pretty cool.

No, she doesn't talk,
but she does that kind of - David Cross: Oh Come On

No, she doesn't talk, but she does that kind of

But really quite the opposite
early in the morning - David Cross: Oh Come On

But really quite the opposite early in the morning

You know, 'cause I'm holding her
with my left arm - David Cross: Oh Come On

You know, 'cause I'm holding her with my left arm

It's... her mouth is right here
and I'm doing all this stuff - David Cross: Oh Come On

It's... her mouth is right here and I'm doing all ...

And I'm doing this by myself.
I'm there by myself - David Cross: Oh Come On

And I'm doing this by myself. I'm there by myself

[cheering] - David Cross: Oh Come On

And anyway, so I'm getting
all that stuff together, - David Cross: Oh Come On

And anyway, so I'm getting all that stuff together,

Sa, sa..." - David Cross: Oh Come On

I've gotta put her down.
I can't put her on the floor, - David Cross: Oh Come On

I've gotta put her down. I can't put her on the fl...

And, um... it's fine.
It's fine. It's fine. - David Cross: Oh Come On

And, um... it's fine. It's fine. It's fine.

You know. If nothing else,
it allows her to get - David Cross: Oh Come On

You know. If nothing else, it allows her to get

[audience laughing, groaning] - David Cross: Oh Come On

[audience laughing, groaning]

Her great-grandfather
built ovens. - David Cross: Oh Come On

Her great-grandfather built ovens.

He got out, he got out,
Ashville, he got out. - David Cross: Oh Come On

He got out, he got out, Ashville, he got out.

We have to take her
for her one year physical, - David Cross: Oh Come On

We have to take her for her one year physical,

Just like, "Oh, my God,
it's so hard - David Cross: Oh Come On

Just like, "Oh, my God, it's so hard

It's awful." You know,
'cause there's all these needles - David Cross: Oh Come On

It's awful." You know, 'cause there's al...

So what I've been doing,
with that in mind, - David Cross: Oh Come On

So what I've been doing, with that in mind,

Slowly introducing her to pain. - David Cross: Oh Come On

Slowly introducing her to pain.

Yeah. But I'm having
a clown do it, so it's fun. - David Cross: Oh Come On

Yeah. But I'm having a clown do it, so it's fun.

And so we are taking her in
for her one year physical, - David Cross: Oh Come On

And so we are taking her in for her one year physical,

Every day, I'm gonna make sure
she knows that - David Cross: Oh Come On

Every day, I'm gonna make sure she knows that

What did Daddy tell you?" - David Cross: Oh Come On

What did Daddy tell you?"

Not like..." - David Cross: Oh Come On

I truly believe that it's... - David Cross: Oh Come On

I truly believe that it's...

A kid is never too young
to learn about abortion. - David Cross: Oh Come On

A kid is never too young to learn about abortion.

David Cross: Oh Come On poster

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Share the laughter, the tears, the gasps, and the salty language that you've come to know and love. Stare into the abyss one more time until the next time and see what makes David Cross one of the top 400 comics in America today.

User Rating: 0.0 (0 ratings)

Director: Lance Bangs

Writer: David Cross

Production: Comedy Dynamics,Field Recordings Filmproduktion

Genre: comedy

Year: 2019

MetaScore: N/A/100

ImdbRating: 6.7

BoxOffice: N/A

Released: 01 Apr 2019

Awards: N/A

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