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Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

Comedian Rob Schneider gives viewers a look at his family and personal life through humorous anecdotes about potty training his young daughters as well as his own pig potential and a surprise duet performance with his daughter.

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Tyler Spindel

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[audience laughing] - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

[audience laughing]

Maybe a little less cruel this time.
Maybe? Huh?" - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

Maybe a little less cruel this time. Maybe? Huh?"

And, uh... she's three years old, - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

And, uh... she's three years old,

[audience laughing] - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

[audience laughing]

What?" - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

- Um... [chuckles]
- [audience laughing] - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

- Um... [chuckles] - [audience laughing]

You know, uh,
your diapers are a size seis, seis. Yeah. - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

You know, uh, your diapers are a size seis, seis. Yeah.

You're supposed to have this shit
figured out by now. Yeah. Un-huh. - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

You're supposed to have this shit figured out by now. Y...

You don't figure this out, - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

You don't figure this out,

[audience clapping] - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

[audience clapping]

Okay, so I happen to sleep on the side
of the bed right next to the door. - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

Okay, so I happen to sleep on the side of the bed right next...

And so, like, when my seven-year-old,
she wants to come and sleep with us, - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

And so, like, when my seven-year-old, she wants to come and ...

I thought I'd bring everything.
Muah. Go back to bed." - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

I thought I'd bring everything. Muah. Go back to bed.&q...

So she comes over, and I look at her,
and I go, "What's up?" - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

So she comes over, and I look at her, and I go, "What&#...

[audience laughing] - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

[audience laughing]

[audience laughing] - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

[audience laughing]

Um, not scary enough. Go back to bed now.
Come on. Come on." - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

Um, not scary enough. Go back to bed now. Come on. Come on.&...

Not scary enough - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

Not scary enough

She doesn't sleep like an angel,
like I do, like this. [hums] - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

She doesn't sleep like an angel, like I do, like this. ...

[audience laughing] - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

[audience laughing]

If I didn't have a downstairs,
I'd be divorced for sure, for sure. - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

If I didn't have a downstairs, I'd be divorced for...

This is my third marriage.
I don't wanna get divorced again, okay? - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

This is my third marriage. I don't wanna get divorced a...

I live in Hollywood,
so that's, like, one, you know, but... - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

I live in Hollywood, so that's, like, one, you know, bu...

- [audience laughing]
- Know what I'm saying? It's a nice house. - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

- [audience laughing] - Know what I'm saying? It's...

It's got heated bathroom floors.
"Fuck, that feels good. Shit. - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

It's got heated bathroom floors. "Fuck, that feels...

[woman whoos] - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

Guess I better figure out what that
crazy wife is talking about. [chuckles] - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

Guess I better figure out what that crazy wife is talking ab...

Let's look at all the schools." - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

Let's look at all the schools."

I go downstairs to sneeze. I go,
"Achoo, achoo, achoo..." - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

I go downstairs to sneeze. I go, "Achoo, achoo, achoo.....

And I came back... I come back upstairs,
and Miranda, our seven-year-old, - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

And I came back... I come back upstairs, and Miranda, our se...

Forget it.
I'll find someplace else to sleep, okay?" - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

Forget it. I'll find someplace else to sleep, okay?&quo...

There's a whole other wing." - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

There's a whole other wing."

She's already asleep in the bed.
I go, "Whatever," you know. - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

She's already asleep in the bed. I go, "Whatever,&...

So I get into bed with her.
And, like, when you're in your 50s, - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

So I get into bed with her. And, like, when you're in y...

So whenever I'm in bed with my wife,
and I can't sleep, - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

So whenever I'm in bed with my wife, and I can't s...

I'm hoping one day, she might go,
"Oh, you know, that's a good idea." - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

I'm hoping one day, she might go, "Oh, you know, t...

Anyway, so I'm grabbing a little bit,
and I noticed, - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

Anyway, so I'm grabbing a little bit, and I noticed,

But her breasts also felt similarly off,
you know. - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

But her breasts also felt similarly off, you know.

Then I thought to myself,
"You know, there's a chance - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

Then I thought to myself, "You know, there's a cha...

And I said, "Honey, wake up."
She goes, "What is it?" - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

And I said, "Honey, wake up." She goes, "What...

[chuckles] She pushed right by me.
She just went, - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

[chuckles] She pushed right by me. She just went,

And, uh, that's usually where - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

And, uh, that's usually where

Let's have women. Diversity." - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

Let's have women. Diversity."

- [audience laughing]
- It's like, "Fuck!" - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

- [audience laughing] - It's like, "Fuck!"

I'm part Asian. I know you've been
looking at me, thinking, - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

I'm part Asian. I know you've been looking at me, ...

What is in there, exactly?" - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

What is in there, exactly?"

[audience laughing] - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

[audience laughing]

I didn't get that treatment
when I was a kid, "You're so good. - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

I didn't get that treatment when I was a kid, "You...

You're so good.
You can be anything you want." - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

You're so good. You can be anything you want."

Huh? What do you want, a cookie?
You want a cookie for that? Huh? Huh? - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

Huh? What do you want, a cookie? You want a cookie for that?...

[audience laughing] - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

[audience laughing]

What do I get? What do I get?
What do I get? What do I get? - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

What do I get? What do I get? What do I get? What do I get?

What do I get?' - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

What do I get?'

We keep this relationship nice and cold.
That's it, okay?" - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

We keep this relationship nice and cold. That's it, oka...

The thing I remember most about
my childhood is my mom yelling at me. - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

The thing I remember most about my childhood is my mom yelli...

Whether it was to protect me or whatever,
she was like, - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

Whether it was to protect me or whatever, she was like,

You broke that. See what happens?
No roughhousing. See what happens? - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

You broke that. See what happens? No roughhousing. See what ...

Huh? You knocked that over.
See what happens?" - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

Huh? You knocked that over. See what happens?"

Somebody twisted an ankle.
All of a sudden, - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

Somebody twisted an ankle. All of a sudden,

"Dude, that's your mom
on a mountain over there." - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

"Dude, that's your mom on a mountain over there.&q...

My first job
was Chang and Chow's 76 station, - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

My first job was Chang and Chow's 76 station,

And then they'd take us out
to Chinese food, - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

And then they'd take us out to Chinese food,

- [chuckling]
- [audience laughing] - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

- [chuckling] - [audience laughing]

They took all our money, Bob,
for cheap fucking Chinese food!" - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

They took all our money, Bob, for cheap fucking Chinese food...

Uh... the Chinese have been communist
for 71 years so far and counting, - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

Uh... the Chinese have been communist for 71 years so far an...

You want to get Chinese food
after the show? We'll find a place. - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

You want to get Chinese food after the show? We'll find...

[in Chinese accent]
"Oh, I sorry, we're closed." - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

[in Chinese accent] "Oh, I sorry, we're closed.&qu...

Come on in.
We just offer the midnight special. - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

Come on in. We just offer the midnight special.

[audience laughing] - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

[audience laughing]

We know we can get
Chinese food on Christmas, - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

We know we can get Chinese food on Christmas,

The fish in the tank, they don't know
what day it is. They don't. - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

The fish in the tank, they don't know what day it is. T...

[audience laughing] - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

[audience laughing]

Then we got egg foo yung,
pork fried rice, - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

Then we got egg foo yung, pork fried rice,

And then we've got, of course,
the wonton noodle, the wonton noodle. - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

And then we've got, of course, the wonton noodle, the w...

[Speaking Chinese] - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

[Speaking Chinese]

We've got one more order,
beef with the oyster sauce. - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

We've got one more order, beef with the oyster sauce.

Beef with the oyster sauce." - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

Beef with the oyster sauce."

Beef! Oyster sauce! Beef! Oyster!" - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

Beef! Oyster sauce! Beef! Oyster!"

Asian people like, [in Chinese accent]
"No, fuck that. No way." - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

Asian people like, [in Chinese accent] "No, fuck that. ...

No, we'll work on a part of the body
nobody wants to go near, - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

No, we'll work on a part of the body nobody wants to go...

We'll do the toenail.
We scrape that shit off the back. - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

We'll do the toenail. We scrape that shit off the back.

[audience laughing] - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

[audience laughing]

We'll just get in there.
We'll just get in there. Get in there. - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

We'll just get in there. We'll just get in there. ...

[puffs in mic] - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

We'll massage you, jerk you off,
take your white devil money somehow. - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

We'll massage you, jerk you off, take your white devil ...

My favorite though, are the Koreans,
another hard-working group of people. - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

My favorite though, are the Koreans, another hard-working gr...

Except with the Korean barbecue.
I gotta say, it's a little lazy in there. - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

Except with the Korean barbecue. I gotta say, it's a li...

A bit. You go to a Korean barbecue, - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

A bit. You go to a Korean barbecue,

Hot. Careful, hot coal. Hot." - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

Hot. Careful, hot coal. Hot."

So how does this shit work?" - Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids

So how does this shit work?"

Rob Schneider: Asian Momma, Mexican Kids poster

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Comedian Rob Schneider gives viewers a look at his family and personal life through humorous anecdotes about potty training his young daughters as well as his own pig potential and a surprise duet performance with his daughter.

User Rating: 0.0 (0 ratings)

Director: Tyler Spindel

Writer: N/A

Production: N/A

Genre: comedy

Year: 2020

MetaScore: N/A/100

ImdbRating: 5.5

BoxOffice: N/A

Released: 11 Aug 2020

Awards: N/A

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